Hello Marlon Teixeira

Eye candy much?

Photo shoot for Citizen K


Ohlalamag

Moar

MOAR!!
(okay okay)

So Much Win

Introducing to you some of the strangest things you cannot un-see. This is the sweet wine of life, the gold standard for all mankind.


This is So Much Win.


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First up we have a bunch of silly skanks posing in front of a mirror. What's that you say? There's nothing unusual about four 15 year old girls posing in their underwear in front of a mirror so they can post it on the inter-web for all of those horny older men to see? Well ... no I suppose not. >_> But what's that ... that thing in the door way there?

Could it be a real life picture of a Sasquatch in its natural habitat? Oh, never mind, it's only the fat girl no one likes wearing completely unsuitable outerwear and lurking in dark corners again. No need to call animal control ... unless she seizes the twinkies again.

so much win...
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Girls, your purse is your sidekick and everyone knows that any good super hero is only as impressive as their sidekick. So why the vagina bag? I mean you put this atrocity on your shoulder and you're kind of asking for it. And by it I mean failure. It even looks cheap.

The one plus?
When you're not in the mood for sex (assuming you even have a boyfriend because you're probably pathetic) he can always just fuck your bag.

...so much win.
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Ah, girls and their breasts... It's a love hate relationship isn't it girls. The boys never notice your face because they're too busy staring at your tits most of the time. But how can you blame them when you're slinging them around like disgusting little sluts!?

So much win.
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You better werq ... eat that glittery shoe Beth Ditto. While you're at it you might want to finish off the rest of your horrible vinyl mini dress. It looks like it's going spoil.

Note the hospital bracelet.

SOooo much win.
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Oh ... oh yes.
Yes. Oh, Jesus yes.
Jesus Fucking Christ, YES!

I hope this one gets me in trouble.

So MUCH win.
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Mmm, your handlebar mustache is so glorious maestro. I'm sure all of the ladies love having your large sweaty hairy chest hovering over them during love making. Even more so now that the hairy part has been man-scaped to look like a giant mustache. Or not...

I can feel your arteries clogging from here, not to mention the smug cloud of douchebaggery that must surround you for even thinking about growing something this heinous on your body and then having someone take a picture of it. But you want to know the worst thing about it all? It's not even complete! You should honestly work on that bald spot ... least we think of you as less of a man.

You pasty lard beast, you.

So much WIN!
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When people say that a picture is worth a thousand words, they are specifically referring to this picture. That being said, I will let the picture speak.

Street Inspiration I

Some random imagaes that I have compliled from my various go to street fashion blogs and sites.

While I like the idea of broken china sewn into a glittery albeit stiff frock or a Christian Loubouton pump on someones head, I would much rather pull my inspiration from 'actual' people with realistic ideas of what is acceptable in 'actual' day to day fashion.

Street Inspiration I

I love the mustard yellow and contrasting grays in his sweater, the bow tie is a must. His hair, however, could use the benefits of a brush. (Face Hunter)

Her dress is ridiculous, and I love the contrast between the brightness of it and the black of the rest of her outfit. (Street Peeper)

The neutral all brown palette really speaks to me. I've always been a little bit scared of brown but that duster and those chucks make me want to try it. (Face Hunter)

Black on black ... on black. Some things will never change and luckily for me, my obsession with black isn't going anywhere soon. My typical mantra is the more matte the better, but I love the wet look of this ensemble. I wish I had been in H&M when they were selling shiny separates. (Street Peeper)

PS: I want his bowl cut.

Fierce, fierce, fierce.

The shoes could be better but it's the idea behind the outfit that I'm looking at. That little leather bolero/shrunken blazer is fuck-tastic and I'm in love with the jeans. (Street Peeper)



As you can probably tell ... I'm so ready for Autumn.

Twilight Dildo

Yes, that's exactly what I said.

Have you ever wanted to be wrapped in the steely arms of a stalker vampire boyfriend while he penetrates you with his ice cold member? Well ladies and gentlemen, for the meager price of $39.99 you can experience at least one of these fantasies.

Tantus Inc. has finally released the dildo to out fuck all dildos ever to be created.

The Vamp.

With it's pale flesh color and ability to retain hot and cold temperatures, you'll never lust for any human man again.

Oh, and yes, it sparkles.



Pre-order yours today.

PS:

If you really want the full experience, then you'll also want to pick up one of these creepy Edward Cullen bedroom wall stickers complete with tousled hair and 'Be safe' text.

Now we can all be that crazy, clumsy, suicidal, and mildly schizophrenic girl.

Now ... is anyone else totally creeped out yet? Don't get me wrong, I like the Twilight series as much as the next freak but some of these girls are seriously out of control...

Exhibit A: Twilight Tattoos.

Contramoda

The latest in fashion envy and inspiration.

CONTRAMODA





Love.

(More to see here!)

Oh, who wants to see Naomi Campbell's cooooooooch!? Yeah, me either. That's why I'm giving you the option to check it out for yourself ... you've been warned.

Courtesy of Fashion Indie

Italian Greyhound

In February of 2007 I lost my precious Coco Renee, a miniature Dachshund. Me and my whole family have been through the grieving process as would any family who lost a pet. Nearly two and a half years have passed and I feel that it's time to move forward.

I want an Italian Greyhound. NOW!

Mercury in Retrograde

Dun dun DUN!!

Starting May 7th and continuing on through May 31st, the planet Mercury will officially be in RETROGRADE!
*evil snarl*

In case you didn't know, Mercury in retrograde is an extra special bit of astrological nasty. It affects anything dealing with communication, transportation and education by ... well, I'll just give you an excerpt from my go to astrology website.

Mercury retrograde gives rise to personal misunderstandings; flawed, disrupted, or delayed communications, negotiations and trade; glitches and breakdowns with phones, computers, cars, buses, and trains. And all of these problems usually arise because some crucial piece of information, or component, has gone astray or awry.

It is not excatly wise to make important decisions while Mercury is retrograde, since it is likely that such decisions will be clouded by misinformation, poor communication and careless thinking. Mercury is all about mental clarity and the power of the mind, so when Mercury is retrograde these intellectual characteristics tend to be less acute than usual, as the critical faculties are dimmed. Make sure you pay attention to the small print!


Typically, I am unaware of a bad retrograde period for myself, but I've definitely felt this one for a couple of days and now that I am reminded (thanks to Jennifer Worick) I shall take proper precautions.

In short, when Mercury goes into retrograde, I turn into an antisocial hermit due to my inability to deal with stress and miscommunication.

What can I say, it's my ruling planet.

Pre -Sunrise

The world of twilight before the dawn is both beautiful and mystical, but most of all it is fleeting. No matter how much you hope and dream, it is impossible to live your life here.

Of course pictures never look the same as the real thing.

One night stands

The new Colgate Wisp...

...making the walk of shame that much easier.

Bacon Blasphemy

Baconnaise... Have you seen it? I have and I won't be the first to tell you that just looking at it makes you want to barf. Would you seriously eat something that looks like baby vomit? I'm sure it doesn't smell far off either, though I can safely say that I haven't the faintest idea as I am more than just vehemently opposed to going anywhere near the shit.

What is America coming to when you can spread fucking bacon chunks on your, probably already heinously disgusting, sandwich and/or burger?

Where do you get off J&D's? Someone should kick you in the nuts for coming up with such a stupid idea, or perhaps we should kiss you for coming up with possibly the most ingenious way of killing lard asses across the globe, starting here in the good ol' US of A.

Obesity is a disease.